Comfort and Joy

Do you ever find yourself completely transfixed by something you know you shouldn't be? I don't mean the simple wonders of nature, like a dewy spiderweb, or motes floating in a beam of sunshine. I mean more the Harry Hamlin movies that they air during the day, near the holidays. Movies such as, "Like Father, Like Santa." Movies where Mr. Hamlin is an evil toy-company executive. And where Gary Coleman is Ignatious the head (and only black) elf in the north pole; trying to stop Mr. Hamlin from stealing the naughty or nice lists from Santa to use against competing toy companies. Well do you?

You Know What's Really Hard to Clean

A meat slicer. Especially after you cut lots and lots of cheese. Especially swiss cheese, which you threw up after eating once, and now even the idea of it makes you queasy. But after you slice it for hours, and spend a couple more cleaning the slicer, when you go to your car you will find a parking ticket that costs more than you made that day to come in and slice the cheese in the first place. So basically you just paid money to come and slice cheese and think about throwing up. You're lucky.

Decoupage

This is just a little frame I decoupaged together in college ( I think you would have to agree I'm quite the decoupagiere). Friends of mine and I went to hear him read in Albany. Afterwards everyone was waiting in line for him to sign books. My friends and I went out onto the balcony, where it was JUST David Sedaris, his handler, and us. But really, what do you say to David Sedaris, so we just ogled at him, and then when he left I (resourcefully) picked up the only two cigarette butts where he was standing, and decoupaged them both into the frame; not wanting to choose the wrong one, and accidentaly have his handler's cigarette framed on my wall (makes sense to me). Anyway, this has led to a long-standing debate over which cigarette is actually his. Is David Sedaris, a Marlboro or Kool man? Everything in my being wants it desperately to be Marlboro, but Mr. Sedaris is from North Carolina, where Menthols seem like a good idea, and it is pretty fastidiously stamped out (something I could picture him doing), so you can't really rule the Kool out either. Anyway, something to ponder, I welcome anyones theories.

You Don't Know WHAT I Had To Do To Get This

This is one of my most prized possessions, recently unearthed. I found it in a box with an African-American Vanderbilt Cheerleader Barbie, and a bunch of hunks of granite. It's one of those 'wood' (particle board) paintings that find themselves so often in Salvation Army. I on the other hand had to convince a devout Christian man who ran a 'store' out of his living room, that I had a niece who loved basketball and Jesus, and that this was the most perfect confluence of her interests, and that I simply must have it. I'm not good at 'straight-faced' so this was a challenge for me. But it was worth that momentary awkwardness and a million moments more.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out some of the finer points of the piece. First, and most obviously, Jesus is about to HOUSE those little children. He is about to slam that ball down, possibly causing on of those boys to get a bloody nose, or worse. Also, the are shooting at the Cross not the hoop, is Jesus defending the Cross from their basketball? Or is he using his magic to float the ball just out of their reach? Why is it so dusty where they are playing? Look at the girl.
I apologize to my mother and my roommate (my loyal viewers( hi, by the way)) for the lack of updates. But I'm glad to have this recorded for posterity. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.