You Don't Mind Crushing Bugs Do You??

The other night I talked to someone on the phone for a full five minutes before I realized they were not who I thought they were. I was not talking to one friend, and then realized it was another. I was talking as if to a close friend, but in fact to a total stranger. Carles says things like, "I'm going to pee my pants" and squeals with excitement at her friends. I thought this stranger, who first called my home asking for me and was redirected to my cellular telephone by my roommate, was my Irish boy David. David is a law student, David has an Irish accent, David would not be coming to San Francisco to "shoot Manolo Blahnik." How did Carles gloss over the fact that THIS David did not have a discernible accent and was a fashion photographer?? Here is what it took me to think, "hmm maybe this isn't my friend after all", it took the phrase, "you don't mind stepping on bugs in Manolo's do you? I'll pay you 300 dollars an hour, that's good money, right?" That was my tip off, after five minutes, that was what clued me in. And instead of being a normal person, of course, and saying, "oh, I though you were someone else, I'm sorry" and getting off the phone I said, "you're breaking up I can't hear you." Which prompted him to yell back, " YOU DON"T MIND CRUSHING BUGS DO YOU?"... So, after I hung up he called back, hand to God, TWELVE times in a row. Each time I would answer, not say anything, and hang up. Pretty good solution eh? I think you would have to agree I handled that with great aplomb. And, by the way, I DO mind, I mind very very much.

READ THIS

I'm a pretty big fan of the genre called Graphic Novel. I've always really liked Daniel Clowes, Chris Ware, R. Crumb, and other less well known artists of their ilk. I have also always loved Lynda Barry. But it is just recently I have decided she is definitely my favorite. That's a big deal, to chose a favorite. So these are hers, I'm probably going to post others. Read them. Decide she is your favorite too. ok?

Helpful Hint #36

Don't empty a box of packing peanuts in front of an "in-use" fan.

Excuses Don't Sound As Good The Second Time Around

It's true. After a day spent prepping the kitchen in the cafe I work at (we were closed for supposed "remodeling" of which the only tell-tale signs are a new bathroom floor, and the pastry case in a new spot). We the staff were supposed to go out on the town. Since the last staff party was uncomfortably spent at an all-nude strip club (I find the distinction important. The ladies are not only All-Naked, it is also more participatory then a topless club) anyway, I haven't been able to get the image of a naked woman crawling on her hands and knees to pick up her tips out of my brain. Everyone else seemed to have a raucous good time, so I thought it best to sit this one out. I was all ready to approach my boss, saying, so sorry but I have to drive my roommate to the airport blah blah blah. Which was a convincing (in my mind) half-truth. My roommate was going to the airport, I just wasn't driving her. So, mere moments before my approach, one of my co-workers (the one I want to be friends with), explains she's so sorry, but she's driving her friend to the airport. Now I'm angry at her for using such an unconvincing lie, now no-one will believe I'm taking my roommate to the airport, which of course I'm not. Well, it was my excuse first (again only in my mind) so I used it anyway, chuckling with my boss about the coincidence that both of us were going to the airport, and oh, we should carpool...needless to say I got home just in time to fall asleep by nine.

Children of Men

If you know what's good for you, you'll go see this. You won't "enjoy it" per se, but you'll be glad you did it. So go on now, go...scoot...time's a wastin'.