Carles Gary

Feet and Potatoes

2007-03-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

My grocery list, written on the front of the pennysaver, from which I plan my menus. The listed items are the things I need whether or not they're on sale, goddammit.

I Was Warned

2007-03-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Don't go whale watching. Everyone I talked to about the experience said they got horribly sick/didn't see any whales/were doped up on dramamine and only terror kept them awake. My dad, brother, sister-in-law and I headed out despite these warnings. It was one of the nicest days in San Francisco when we left, perfect weather, perfect day. Going under the Golden Gate, stunning. The boat hit some pretty big rolling waves, it was really fun, I was even jumping up at the crest of them, so I could "catch some serious air" as the boat went down, like they do on Deadliest Catch. Then I go inside the cabin to get a fresh battery for my camera, and when I come back out I instantly feel like I am going to die. Mere moments later I am crouched over the side vomiting for what seems like ages, while the entire tour looks on, because this is much more interesting than the whales we're not seeing. I know this is just motion sickness, but I can't get off the ride. I feel better for about five minutes, and then feel sick again. Of course now the boat is fogged in we can't see anything, and its misting. It is like this for hours. I'm alternately sleeping on my dad's shoulder, or praying to die (it's past the point where I am praying for it to get better). 6 hours on this boat. Long story short, NO Whales. The only time we stop the boat, the only thing we see all day, is this:
Which yes, is a bouy, and what's on that bouy you ask? Is it a dead sea lion who in his final throes beached himself there? Yes it is. Thank god I got to see that up-close and in its natural habitat. It was all worth it.

Also, if it's freezing cold and misty how do you get a horrible sunburn on your face that is just peeling now a week later?
Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

The Plot Thickens

2007-03-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

So remember the Crushing Bugs post...me too. Well, I just got this new comment on it:
Anonymous said...
weird things are happening. david, foreign, british i thought, maybe irish called me too. the same phone call happenend to me the other night, around 1:30. asking for me by name, talking about a photo shoot in SF crushing bugs. what are the chances? thats just too bizarre? let me know details if ur curious. chelsearae.cole@gmail.com

Weird right? Do I e-mail you Chelsearae? Are you "David"? How did you find me?
What do I do?

Top Chef

2007-03-08T09:11:00.000-08:00

Last night, after coming out of an advanced screening of the new HBO documentary series Addiction, I saw this Top Chef, Tiffani. Whereupon I made grabbing motions with my hands, then followed her for half a block before I realized I didn't want to say anything to her, and I didn't like her in the first place. I guess that's what Top Chef can do to a girl, and it's always when you least expect it.

The Beach

2007-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

1. Carles and her Roomate were on the way to Santa Cruz.
2. They Stopped at the beach.

3. A man caught a big Tiger Shark and put most of it into a bucket.

4. Then they saw a woman walk a dog who couldn't move its back legs, she carried them with a towel.

5. Then they saw this.

6. Carles may be getting spoiled by the West Coast

Aunt Carles

2007-03-01T07:55:00.000-08:00

This is one of my nieces chewing on the bloody stump of a fake hand. I post this for two reasons. 1. I think you would have to agree, my niece is incredibly attractive. 2. This highlights some of my failings as an aunt. I think watching a baby gnaw on a fake dismembered hand is hilarious. Her Mother, not so much. Although that's her father's leg in the background, and he thinks it's funny too. Thank god her mother doesn't read my blog.

Sorry

2007-03-01T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I haven't Blogged. Stuff is happening right now that I can't blog about. And I haven't been able to think of anything else to say. I'll post though.

6 Weird Things

2007-02-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

As Per BSH's instructions:
The Rules : Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things about you." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own re: 6 weird things, as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1) I have Chronic Hives.
2) When viewing uncomfortable things (on television or in life) I have to use my two hands to make a "bad things" telescope to peer through, in order to distance myself from the situation.
3) Preferably every day, but at least every few days I have to lie down on the floor of the bathroom while the shower is running (cold water). I have done this since I was little and I had really bad asthma, my parents would put the shower on hot and have me steam until I could breath again. It always felt really safe, and it meant that I was going to feel better. Anyway, the "habit" stuck, now I use the cold water, and I usually read or do crossword puzzles.
4) I recently purchased 6 Anya figurines from the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer because 6 were cheaper than one (I am not that person) it was mostly as a joke. I don't know who the "joke" is on though. If you're looking to take them off my hands just let me know.
5) I used to do rat surgery in a psychopharmacology lab. I would put tubes in the rat's jugular vein (which on a rat is tiny), pull the tube out through their back, and sew a shunt into their skin. All so they could get cocaine directly into their bloodstream when they pressed a lever with their paw.
6) My whole life I have had a problem with obsessions. I don't just like things, I become completely obsessed, and then shamed and (for most of them) never want to talk about the obsession again. My family and friends on the other hand love to bring them up. So a short list in Chronological order: Pinnochio, Garfield, Billy Joel, Madonna, Egypt, Barbara Striesand, The X-Files, Jodie Foster, Evita, Absolutely Fabulous, French and Saunders, Dolly Parton, and Strangers With Candy. My apologies to said friends and family for having to see me through some of these. Thank you for your patience.

I only have two people to tag Perpetual Huddle and Tripping Up The Escalator

You Don't Mind Crushing Bugs Do You??

2007-01-28T01:28:00.000-08:00

The other night I talked to someone on the phone for a full five minutes before I realized they were not who I thought they were. I was not talking to one friend, and then realized it was another. I was talking as if to a close friend, but in fact to a total stranger. Carles says things like, "I'm going to pee my pants" and squeals with excitement at her friends. I thought this stranger, who first called my home asking for me and was redirected to my cellular telephone by my roommate, was my Irish boy David. David is a law student, David has an Irish accent, David would not be coming to San Francisco to "shoot Manolo Blahnik." How did Carles gloss over the fact that THIS David did not have a discernible accent and was a fashion photographer?? Here is what it took me to think, "hmm maybe this isn't my friend after all", it took the phrase, "you don't mind stepping on bugs in Manolo's do you? I'll pay you 300 dollars an hour, that's good money, right?" That was my tip off, after five minutes, that was what clued me in. And instead of being a normal person, of course, and saying, "oh, I though you were someone else, I'm sorry" and getting off the phone I said, "you're breaking up I can't hear you." Which prompted him to yell back, " YOU DON"T MIND CRUSHING BUGS DO YOU?"... So, after I hung up he called back, hand to God, TWELVE times in a row. Each time I would answer, not say anything, and hang up. Pretty good solution eh? I think you would have to agree I handled that with great aplomb. And, by the way, I DO mind, I mind very very much.

READ THIS

2007-01-21T08:31:00.000-08:00

I'm a pretty big fan of the genre called Graphic Novel. I've always really liked Daniel Clowes, Chris Ware, R. Crumb, and other less well known artists of their ilk. I have also always loved Lynda Barry. But it is just recently I have decided she is definitely my favorite. That's a big deal, to chose a favorite. So these are hers, I'm probably going to post others. Read them. Decide she is your favorite too. ok?

Helpful Hint #36

2007-01-11T17:31:00.000-08:00

Don't empty a box of packing peanuts in front of an "in-use" fan.

Excuses Don't Sound As Good The Second Time Around

2007-01-09T18:24:00.000-08:00

It's true. After a day spent prepping the kitchen in the cafe I work at (we were closed for supposed "remodeling" of which the only tell-tale signs are a new bathroom floor, and the pastry case in a new spot). We the staff were supposed to go out on the town. Since the last staff party was uncomfortably spent at an all-nude strip club (I find the distinction important. The ladies are not only All-Naked, it is also more participatory then a topless club) anyway, I haven't been able to get the image of a naked woman crawling on her hands and knees to pick up her tips out of my brain. Everyone else seemed to have a raucous good time, so I thought it best to sit this one out. I was all ready to approach my boss, saying, so sorry but I have to drive my roommate to the airport blah blah blah. Which was a convincing (in my mind) half-truth. My roommate was going to the airport, I just wasn't driving her. So, mere moments before my approach, one of my co-workers (the one I want to be friends with), explains she's so sorry, but she's driving her friend to the airport. Now I'm angry at her for using such an unconvincing lie, now no-one will believe I'm taking my roommate to the airport, which of course I'm not. Well, it was my excuse first (again only in my mind) so I used it anyway, chuckling with my boss about the coincidence that both of us were going to the airport, and oh, we should carpool...needless to say I got home just in time to fall asleep by nine.

Children of Men

2007-01-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

If you know what's good for you, you'll go see this. You won't "enjoy it" per se, but you'll be glad you did it. So go on now, go...scoot...time's a wastin'.

Comfort and Joy

2006-12-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

Do you ever find yourself completely transfixed by something you know you shouldn't be? I don't mean the simple wonders of nature, like a dewy spiderweb, or motes floating in a beam of sunshine. I mean more the Harry Hamlin movies that they air during the day, near the holidays. Movies such as, "Like Father, Like Santa." Movies where Mr. Hamlin is an evil toy-company executive. And where Gary Coleman is Ignatious the head (and only black) elf in the north pole; trying to stop Mr. Hamlin from stealing the naughty or nice lists from Santa to use against competing toy companies. Well do you?

You Know What's Really Hard to Clean

2006-12-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

A meat slicer. Especially after you cut lots and lots of cheese. Especially swiss cheese, which you threw up after eating once, and now even the idea of it makes you queasy. But after you slice it for hours, and spend a couple more cleaning the slicer, when you go to your car you will find a parking ticket that costs more than you made that day to come in and slice the cheese in the first place. So basically you just paid money to come and slice cheese and think about throwing up. You're lucky.

Decoupage

2006-12-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

This is just a little frame I decoupaged together in college ( I think you would have to agree I'm quite the decoupagiere). Friends of mine and I went to hear him read in Albany. Afterwards everyone was waiting in line for him to sign books. My friends and I went out onto the balcony, where it was JUST David Sedaris, his handler, and us. But really, what do you say to David Sedaris, so we just ogled at him, and then when he left I (resourcefully) picked up the only two cigarette butts where he was standing, and decoupaged them both into the frame; not wanting to choose the wrong one, and accidentaly have his handler's cigarette framed on my wall (makes sense to me). Anyway, this has led to a long-standing debate over which cigarette is actually his. Is David Sedaris, a Marlboro or Kool man? Everything in my being wants it desperately to be Marlboro, but Mr. Sedaris is from North Carolina, where Menthols seem like a good idea, and it is pretty fastidiously stamped out (something I could picture him doing), so you can't really rule the Kool out either. Anyway, something to ponder, I welcome anyones theories.

You Don't Know WHAT I Had To Do To Get This

2006-12-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

This is one of my most prized possessions, recently unearthed. I found it in a box with an African-American Vanderbilt Cheerleader Barbie, and a bunch of hunks of granite. It's one of those 'wood' (particle board) paintings that find themselves so often in Salvation Army. I on the other hand had to convince a devout Christian man who ran a 'store' out of his living room, that I had a niece who loved basketball and Jesus, and that this was the most perfect confluence of her interests, and that I simply must have it. I'm not good at 'straight-faced' so this was a challenge for me. But it was worth that momentary awkwardness and a million moments more.
I would like to take this opportunity to point out some of the finer points of the piece. First, and most obviously, Jesus is about to HOUSE those little children. He is about to slam that ball down, possibly causing on of those boys to get a bloody nose, or worse. Also, the are shooting at the Cross not the hoop, is Jesus defending the Cross from their basketball? Or is he using his magic to float the ball just out of their reach? Why is it so dusty where they are playing? Look at the girl.
I apologize to my mother and my roommate (my loyal viewers( hi, by the way)) for the lack of updates. But I'm glad to have this recorded for posterity. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Soaking

2006-11-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

Can't talk about the new job yet, my feet hurt too much. p.s. my kitchen's not nice like this one.

Magic

2006-11-08T14:52:00.000-08:00

Today I saw an ad for new Puffs tissues, where they actually described a "magic" layer in their tissue. Lots of advertisements do close-ups on their products, "magic" close-ups, where they show "magical" seeming features. Like little vacuums sucking up your pores, or whole vitamins restoring your hair strand by strand. I've even heard advertisements touting products that "work like magic." Like, being the operative word that keeps them grounded in advertising reality. But today was the first time I've ever heard an advertisement describe something simply as "magic". As in, our tissue works better because of the magic layer inside. From their website, "New Puffs Plus has moisturizers galore. With a new magical layer, it'’s silkier than before. It'’s soothing as can be, with lotion, aloe, and E." Magical.

Job Search

2006-11-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Today I applied at a Mental Hospital. And at a Cafe as a short order cook.

R.I.P.

2006-11-02T22:40:00.000-08:00

I'm surprised I'm handling this as well as I am. I think I may still be in shock. Too soon, he was taken too soon.

ADEBISI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RELIC HUNTER

2006-11-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

My brother just interviewed with the travel channel to be the host of a new series they are producing, "Relic Hunter!" It seems he did really well, and now he has a screen test. He doesn't think that the screen test will accentuate his athletic prowess, so he wants me to make a video of him "climbing up things" and "rolling in a tire into the water." He also said that he wants to use footage of himself swinging on a rope swing so that the producers know they will have plenty of "eye candy" for their show. To prepare he is watching "The Crocodile Hunter," "Indiana Jones," and "jackass." Here's the thing, all the ridiculousness of that aside, he is PERFECT for this job. So, fingers crossed, my brother could be the next Steve Irwin, or even better the next Steve-O.

Little Help...

2006-10-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

2006-10-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

The Homeschooler and I are supposed to dress as Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? for Halloween. Obviously I'm Bette Davis. But I'm having a tough time finding a wheelchair on short notice. Does anyone know a good place to pick up a "free" wheelchair? Do you know anyone who keeps a spare wheelchair around in case of emergencies? I actually don't have any of the costume yet. I really just want to do the face make-up. I'm a sucker and a half for bad aging make-up. But it's the wheelchair that really makes the costume. Especially when they have to lower the bus for me to push Homeschooler-as-joan-crawford on, and buckle her chair into the freshly vacated handicapped seating...

GREeeeaaat!

2006-10-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

I just took the GRE's and HOUSED them. Not that I'm bragging, actually I'm pretty sure that anyone could do well on them if they were unemployed and studied like it was a job. Also I didn't really house them but I am "satisfied with my score." Which is just as well. Plus I'm glad to not have to take them again, because I don't like the idea of having to sit still for that long and not be watching TV. But now that I'm done there's a little empty place in my heart where my flashcards used to be. I'm all ready to study for something else. I already miss the soundproof headphones they give you to take the test. Maybe I'll get a pair of my own and play "standardized test" at home. Oh well, what's done is done. Great, now I'm speaking in PLATITUDES. Thanks GRE!!!

Fan Letters

2006-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

In my life I have written fan letters for two products. The first, Febreze Scent Stories. The second, Tab Cola. Am I THAT person? Yes I threw a Golden Girls dinner party, complete with Crystal Lite, but it's all just for joking right? (FULL DISCLOSURE: It's not all for joking.)

Meat Free

2006-10-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

So, I listened to my conscience, and to BSH, and decided against my online meat purchase. Which is probably for the best, but not buying ANYTHING on-line left me feeling a little empty. So I decided to buy something else that I can't find in San Francisco, (the first of course being good barbecue) TAB. I don't mean the energy drink, I mean the good old fashioned Diet Cola. TAB is delicious, so tasty you won't even know it's diet! Plus the cans are so pretty, pink for the ladies. mmmmm. It's probably not a really good idea to ship a case of soda, but hopefully it's a better idea than the meat. And I definitely think its a better than forcing my Dad to fill a suitcase with TAB when he came to visit last week, which was my first idea. For all those jealous ladies out there, don't worry, I'll pour a little on the ground for you.

Anytime's The Right Time

2006-10-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

I took this picture at what is quickly becoming my FAVORITE place to bring "tourists" (read: I brought my mom there when she came to visit last week, and my dad while he was here this week, why the double-header visit I don't know). Anyway so it's a Chinese grocery around the block from me. Here's why this gross-ery is the place to be.
1. You are not supposed to be there.
2. It looks just like normal people grocery stores, except nothing makes sense and you don't want to eat any of it.
3. It's stinky (read below to see why...)
4. There are flies everywhere (again, the reason is below)
5. The "meat counter" doesn't have any of that fancy American wrapped meat or glass cases, it is more like the produce department, one is supposed to pull one of those vegetable bags off the spool and fill it with their favorite room temperature meat. Just try to fight through the old ladies shoving fist-fulls of fly covered chicken FEET (which by the way are the most expensive part of the bird) into their bags.
6. The fishmonger. Behind him is a veritable aquarium of live fish swimming around, when you choose the fish you want, he scoops it out with his net, bludgeons it with his hammer, and cuts it up for you. Also if you are one of the lucky few to see a tank teeming with live shrimp or prawns you will make a vow on the spot never to eat those sea-spiders again. Behind him too is a tank with something labeled in English as duck, but is a clam shell about the size of a dessert plate, with a HUMONGOUS Phallus pouring out of it, nay, standing at attention. But don't let the fish monger distract you from the main event, which you could trip over if you want to star in a horrible horrible nightmare you never before imagined. So by all means remember to look down. First is the bucket with the mesh on top, and when you look down there are huge live toads bright green and brown slimely crawling all over each other. And you think wow that's pretty bad, so you look in the next bucket with the mesh top, only to find EVEN BIGGER monster toads, the size of a baby's head. After being horrified by the first two buckets, you see the third one, the one with no mesh on the top, and you think it can't be as bad as the first two, because the "food" is obviously not going to jump out at you. But that's when you find out you're wrong, because in the third bucket are live bloody piles of dinner plate sized "soft shell" turtles. It took me two visits to even figure out that is what they were. They look like monsters. They are so gross that I want the monger to crush them with his hammer, I want them to die. Anyway the blood monsters are pretty much the highlight of the tour, and at that point you want to run anyway.
So next time you're in San Francisco give me a jingle, and I'll show you what's what.

Pretend This Is a Hypothetical Question

2006-10-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

Is it ok to order barbeque on the internet? ( Has anyone purchased mail-order meat? What does it say about the purchaser? Does internet meat taste different?) Just wondering. It's for a friend.

My Dream Come True

2006-10-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently I've fallen into some sort of nerd's paradise. And I couldn't be happier. First, about a week ago when I was looking for new episodes of This American Life to buy from itunes (so I can learn a little while I'm playing Zuma and Bejeweled on my ipod, which by the by is also why I listen to the podcast of GRE vocab words instead of using those pesky flashcards) when I noticed that they only cost 95 cents! We all know that they used to cost upwards of 3 dollars. I mean seriously, songs cost more than that, and we're talking about an hour of bliss. So, I've been silently enjoying the boon. When, to my surprise, what did I see at the itunes store but PBS shows available for purchase. And not just any PBS shows but Antiques Roadshow!?! Come on now. Really? So if you see a little extra spring in my step, its not the new orthopedic inserts, it's me celebrating the fact that at least for today all is right with the world. UPDATE: Free podcasts of new TAL episodes too!

Full Of Bad Ideas (and Babies)

2006-10-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

Helpful Hint #21: If you find yourself at a baby shower, for someone you don't know very well, and there is a lull in the conversation, do not, no matter how much of a hypochondriac you may be, mention off-handedly that you may have scabies. Whilst this would not be a recommended topic for discussion in any setting (except with one's physician) you will find that a baby shower may in fact be the worst place to bring this up. Do not be alarmed if the hostess asks you to get off her couch, and more importantly don't try to "save" the conversation by saying you probably got them on the bus. Most importantly though, if anyone asks you if you have already treated the scabies (with body pesticides) say yes, even if you haven't it will put the hostess' mind at ease. If all else fails you may want to try the following: say that they misheard you in the first place, you don't have a bad case of scabies, you have a bad case of babies, you caught a bad case of babies on the bus. This being a baby shower, the other women will be inclined to believe your stories.

All I Want For Christmas Is Shane MacGowan's Two Front Teeth

2006-10-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

...And for him to live until next Wednesday. The Pogues are just about the only band that my whole family agrees to like. A while ago I heard that they were coming to town, I politely explained how that wasn't possible, I knew for a fact that Kristy MacColl is dead, and I figured that the still living others had moved on by now. I didn't think twice about it. But apparently I was wrong, dead wrong. The original Pogues are coming to San Francisco on Wednesday, and so is my daddy, I'm looking forward to a little family bonding time. So, till then, hang on Mr. MacGowan, I've seen what you look like these days, and it isn't pretty. I'm not asking for much, I'm just asking that you survive long enough to make a girl and her men-folk happy.

Panacea TV

2006-10-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot going for me this week. I have a cold from my niece (she's always doing that) and I threw out my back mysteriously two weeks ago, it got better and better and then yesterday I couldn't move. I could talk about this all day if you let me. I didn't do anything to hurt my back, and I've never had back problems before, it just happened. For a hypochondriac this is a nightmare, unexplainable pain (I mean it is explainable I clearly have a tumor pushing against my spine). Picture it, lying face down trying to eat a greek salad, with my red raw cold nose, its pretty magic. So I'm fussy. But there is at least one hour everyday when I'm not thinking about me. Everyday this week there is TV premiere GOLD. Monday there was House of Carters (Nick and Aaron Carter live together with their sisters in one of the most magical forced dramas I have seen, there is no reason for them to live together except for the fact that they are getting paid to live there and it's beautiful), Nick beats Aaron behind closed doors, but don't worry you can still hear his screams. Speaking of which how cute is Aaron's little gun to the head pose in the ads. Precious. Plus the tag line, which goes a little something like, "Divided they've fallen...Together they just might stand a chance." Well, episode one and I already learned that those bruises Paris was sporting WERE from Nick after all, so case closed everyone. Last night was the season 3 premiere of Veronica Mars. Happy. Plus Tina Majorino (Mac) is a full time character this year which is a pleasure. V. Mars is pretty funny, so mama likes it. And tonight is the night of all nights, the 3rd season premiere of LOST which is more exciting to me than I care to admit. Lets say I feel closer to Lost than I do my extended family. And I think my priorities are in just the right place. So, enjoy, and let's hope your life is as exciting as mine.

WHY?

2006-10-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

My brother just e-mailed me this picture with no text in the body of the e-mail, I have just one question (See Above).

SHEVIL DEAD

2006-10-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Even though the Shevil Dead lost, they are still winners in my eyes. How can you argue with ladies named Iva Vendetta, Ruby Bruiseday, and Taxi Scab. You can't. You just can't.

Blackie's Hay Day

2006-09-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

It turns out that at one point Blackie did move. He was lured to Tiburon, from Kansas. Apparently with a large amout of carrots. Or so said the children's book I read about him. But I guess he stopped. Basically none of my questions were answered, it was more of a fair than a Q&A session. But I did see both his grave and his statue. My swayback baby. It was quite the happening. Everyone who is anyone in the under 5 set was there.

The Day Blackie Stood Still

2006-09-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today, in fact moments from now, I am off to a magical land called Tiburon with my nieces. Where, apparently, we are going to see a statue of a pony called Blackie. Who, according to the information I was given, was alive but never moved. If this is in fact true I have a number of questions, how did the pony eat? did his poop pile up behind him? did anyone try to get him to move? how long did this go on? hopefully I will get answers to these questions, and many questions more. Apparently children used to sit on his back, which to me doesnt make much sense, and I would be afraid of him suddenly awaking from his stupor and freaking the fuck out, but thats just me. So in summary, I am going to see a statue of a horse whose claim to fame is that he was like a statue. I imagine its pretty close to seeing the real thing. I promise to dispell all of the misteries surrounding Blackie tomorrow. Oh and also after I see Blackie I am going to a Roller Derby match. Perfect day.

I Feel Obliged To Inform You

2006-09-29T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so ITunes just released the first season of The State, like a secret they don't want to get out, I had to do some super-sluthing to discover it. Now maybe you don't care for The State, or maybe you were home schooled and "didn't own a t.v." but The State was a sketch comedy show on MTV when it was cool to make your opening credits on a rooftop with a super-8 camera (read: Reality Bites). And sure it's hit-or-miss, but most funny people doing funny things today were on The State (Kerri Kinney, Thomas Lennon, and Ben Garant from Reno 911; and Mike Show, David Wain, and Michael Ian Black from Stella) so for that reason alone I would say give it a chance, if you care about these things. For those of you who have not been waiting with bated breath for this release, just know that this is the first time in over a decade that one could purchase this show legally, it's not on DVD, they don't run it late at night on MTV, and let me just say it warms my heart to have it again. Now I only have to spend my days wondering when they're going to release Exit 57. And just possibly look for a job.

Nothing Quite So Humbling...

2006-09-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

So I had just finished texting AAG with the gossip-y news tid-bit that Charles Manson was sitting next to me on the bus (jealous?) Of course I can't be absolutely sure, I couldn't see the trademark Swastika, but he was pulling at his Manson beard in the same crazy way. When, realizing I was at my stop, I hopped out of the back doors, and into a mound of human feces. I know, how did I know it was human? Until today I hadn't realized I was quite the "scatologist," but I think you'll find that when it happens to you you'll just know. Plus, the homeless gentleman squatting next to said feces helped put all the puzzle pieces together in my mind. This was around noon, but for me (and granted I have a low threshold for "the world") it seemed like something to cap off my day. I didn't quite know how to proceed, except to make some Spaghetti-O's, and watch a Cirque De Soleil marathon generously provided by Bravo this afternoon.
P.S. I'm gainfully unemployed.